In episode 12 our top secret correspondent, Lady Bracknell, revealed some of the latest trends happening in the world of tinder. We promised to pop up her full report and glorious pie chart for your viewing pleasure, so here it is! As you’ll see, the gentlemen are starting to switch it up when it comes to animal posing
I wanted to write my own intro, because I’m scared of what you guys might say otherwise (Editorial Note – wise move).
After Lee shackled herself to her boyfraaaand, I decided to put my hand up as Tinder Correspondent. I’m already screen-shotting constantly to horrify my coupled-up friends, and I figured I could help your male listeners avoid being the kind of online cliché that makes girls like me question their sexuality. Listeners, you won’t get any IRL Tinder horror stories from me this year. As I’m planning to move late 2016, I am not dating this year, and I’m not right-swiping on Tinder because I’m not getting in to awkward conversations for no damn reason. But fingers crossed I can stay on as Tinder Correspondent so I can entertain you all next year while I get to know the gentlemen of Melbourne.
My first focus point – what animals are trending on Tinder?
Tegan and Lee brought up the old comatose tiger in the beta episode, but I’ve noticed that Tinder goes through waves of clichés. A couple of months ago it was snakes. I’ve been taking note of every animal I come across to scientifically see what the most popular Tinder animals are. It may not shock you that almost half of all animal appearances (27 of a total 58) were dogs. This is a pretty solid life choice by the men of Tinder. My profile even mentions my wish to see photos of people’s puppies. The only tip I have to offer here? Don’t post a photo of a dog humping your leg. That is weird and I have seen it.
The next most popular animal to feature was fish. Mostly dead ones. In the hands of the masculine hero that plucked it from the water. Maybe if a lady is considering you sexually, don’t present her with the image of something smelly, slimy, and cold. Just a thought.
Cats, poor bastards, only managed equal representation to snakes (speaking of penis metaphors!). Obviously no-one’s trying too hard to appeal to the cat ladies of Tinder. Things get a bit different but also a bit more alarming at the ‘two appearance’ mark. Kangaroos, horses and exotic lizards feature here. But then two separate men decided to post photos of themselves posing with dead feral pigs. That’s double the amount of alive pigs I saw on Tinder. One was even grinning away whole holding the corpse’s jaws apart. Don’t be that guy. The trend seems to be moving away from ‘tranquilised animal I posed with in Bali’ to ‘animal I actually killed’. Judging by the guy that just posted a series of photos of guns and one particular dog, I’m scared the major Tinder animal trends may end up converging. Next up I think it’ll be time to go through some of the most charming individuals Tinder has offered up so far. Spoilers: it includes a metaphor of a woman as a used car.
Do you have a Tinder Trend Tip for Lady Bracknell, or something you would like her to investigate on everybody’s favourite horrifying hook up app? Hit us up on social media or email at email@example.com